Today all reality set in with a visit to the doctor, a visit I couldn’t avoid. I had to do a physical for a class I am taking. I will be working with patients in different hospital settings and I needed this done. Little did I know it would turn into a three day long checkup. I have to go back for the next two days to follow up on some tests, but today, all in all, was a very sad day for me.
A message I sent to my boyfriend this afternoon after my physical examination:
I just came back from my physical, and it’s going to be like a three day event because they are running all these other tests on me. I got meds for my allergies and sinus infection. I just wish I had someone with me in the room, I was hit with some bad news but it was what I suspected all along and did not want to face. My cholesterol is way too high, like 250+ when it should be in the 100s. It’s over double of what it should be. My sugar is through the roof when I was tested and I didn’t even eat today yet. I was diagnosed as diabetic, and my physician said I pretty much have to do this surgery if I want to lose it all. I can’t do it on my own. I sat there and cried for a minute because reality finally set in, and I finally faced my worst fear. I go back tomorrow, and Friday for more tests. He wants me to talk to him about the surgery when I am ready. I am going to tell him to get everything started asap that I have been ready for a long time. I will have to lose some weight on my own and although I knew I shouldn’t be eating this crap, I now have a number in my head that defines my cholesterol and my obesity, so I am afraid to eat anything fattening. My life right now is going through a new chapter I guess. Reality is, I need to get serious about my weight or I am going to die. I don’t want to be sick and dying when I am barely getting ready for my career. I just let out a cry in the office and on the way home but it was the push I needed to get serious about this, about my life and my health. I am tired of being fat and now I have health issues because of it. My vaccines are not covered with my insurance so it’s another 300 dollars that I’ll have to pay and I just don’t have that kind of money so I am going to call around if there is anything I can do, but the price he gave me is what they pay, so I am getting the vaccines at cost. Which means I will have a hard time finding them cheaper elsewhere. I am going to see if I can just get a refund and drop out of the program. I have had enough bad news for one day. I probably won’t go to the orientation tomorrow. I am not going to get depressed over this, I feel like my health needs to come first right now.