Being in a relationship that doesn’t suck.

I don’t know about you, but in all 28 years of my life, I’ve dated complete loser douchebags. Girls, are you with me on this? I know, some of you have been there and if you haven’t, I am completely jealous.

When it comes to dating, I would have done things alot differently but of course I see things as lessons learned and experience gained. I think would tell my 17 year old self that:

1. The first guy that shows interest is just the first of many. Just because you’re a chubby lumpkins, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone awesome out there for you! Guys will love you for YOU and your LUMPS!

2. Just because you’re a virgin, you don’t have to rush to lose it. There is such a thing as waiting for the right guy that deserves it. Men will deceive to get what they want and until he shows respect for you and your body, don’t give in.

3. Don’t try with someone who isn’t trying. If you’re in a relationship that is sucking balls, seriously move on. Be aware, if he isn’t trying, it doesn’t mean you have to try harder for the both of you. It means he doesn’t care.

…and 4. You don’t have to kiss a bunch of frogs to get to him. Patience is virtue, and I wish I had more of it. Being single is kickass. Make sure you take some time for yourself. Get to know your wants and needs, take time to figure that stuff out. Once you have your crap figured out, it will make your next relationship worthwhile. You won’t be wasting eachother’s time trying to figure out if it’s something you really want because you figured that shit out years ago. If he’s not what you want, you’ll know right away.

You don’t have to date the loser, make sure you get to know him before taking that step. I dated this guy who was such a sweet heart at first. Of course I had pretty low self esteem, I’ve always been a big girl so I’ve always thought (and was told) that no guy wanted me. When I started getting more attention after high school, I jumped all over it. My first long term relationship was such a joke, he was deceitful and I am pretty sure he had a mental disorder.

I was 21, he was 22 and we fell for each other. I noticed he had a problem with alcohol so when he ordered a beer on one of our dates, I asked him nicely not to drink. He made a huge deal about it to the point where it was drawing attention. I got up and just left. My heart and intuition already told me I was in danger. By the way, if you ever get that feeling you are in danger, LISTEN.

So anyway, as I got up to  leave quietly he runs after me and is pulling on me, crying like a 5 year old. Pulling on me as if I was his mother and just told him he couldn’t get the toy. It was bad, it was embarrassing. To top it off, we had a pretty long walk back to my car so it was pretty dreadful as people looked on. I ran to my car and got in, locked him out. Now, before you go on thinking that this was a little dramatic, I think to feel your heart beating out of your chest and feeling that “fight or flight” rage through your body, you would better understand. I would have been fine with taking him home but that whole scene he just displayed during our walk back to the car had me even more worried for myself.

I was reaching in my pockets for my cell phone and great, it was dead. Couldn’t call anyone for help but did I really want to involve anyone at this point? So I just continued to put my keys in the ignition to drive away. All I was thinking about was leaving him behind to fend for himself and find his own ride. I had a car in front of me, so I had one way out and that was to put my car in reverse.

At this point he was slamming his hands on my car, screaming and crying like a toddler to let him in. I was getting a little more scared, heart still pounding. Was he going to punch my windows in? I wouldn’t have put it past him. I put my car in reverse and he lays on the ground behind my car. I couldn’t go anywhere! I rolled my window down a crack and yelled for him to move but I was not going to set foot outside of my car. He wasn’t budging and I am sure he didn’t care if I even ran him over. God, thinking back on this horrific night, I really wish I did.

At this point, I can’t go anywhere, he’s not moving for anything. I jump out of my car and lock it up as fast as I can before he can hop in…and I start walking towards the nearby grocery store. To be honest, I don’t even know where he went, I think he was more concerned about waiting by my car because he was out of sight for a minute. Once I get to the store I talk with the manager who can hear in my voice how scared I was. [By the way, this stuff never happens to me, nor do I do the drama so on top of me being scared, I was extremely embarrassed to even bring someone into this.]

The manager to this store was amazing. He said, “Look, I am going to walk you to your car and he isn’t going to do anything to you, not if I can help it.” He walked out with me and sure enough, the psycho ex boyfriend runs up to us out of nowhere! With no shoes! I’m like what the hell?! He’s got these bulgy crazy eyes going on and tells the store manager off, that he’s going to kick his ass, this and that and even got in his face! Oh gosh I felt horrified and embarrassed but he finally fled while I was escorted to my car.

I thanked him for his kindness and drove away…I didn’t want to look back but unfortunately that relationship lasted 3 years after that incident. Worst thing to ever happen to me. It was just 3 years full of good sex, abuse, drugs, alcohol, fights and more abuse (verbally and physically). I never used drugs, but I later found out he had a meth addiction as well.

I know this blog post is a lot longer than I anticipated but if you are still reading, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was single for awhile, dated an old ex from my teenage years and then single again up until last summer after meeting an amazing guy.

Dating has its ups and downs and if I wasn’t so low about myself, I probably wouldn’t have endured that horrible relationship as long as I did. No excuse for my stupidity and I’ll be happy to get into other experiences with another blog post.

What I meant to be a rave about my current love, I ended up ranting about a past one. . .

To be honest, I am going to have to dedicate a whole different post to him, there are just so many words that describe him and us 🙂

To be continued.


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